Balance is Bullsh!t

 

Balance

Noun – “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.”

Verb – “keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.”

  1. As a noun – when you’re upright and steady you’re balanced. This has to be like 95% of your workday, right? The other 5% accounts for happy hours.
  2. As a verb – something in a steady position that doesn’t fall. When was the last time you failed at work? How about at home?

Raises hand. Pretty much every day I fail at something – and I’m proud of it. It means I took a risk, and I chose action over inaction.

Balance.

We know it’s something we need, and the only time we’re thinking about it is when we’re overworked. When we’re leaving the office early, coming home to cook a lovely dinner you found on Pinterest that morning, sipping your shiraz, and loving life – we’re not thinking about work-life balance – because we’ve got it!

Work-life balance is like the operations department of any company. When it’s running well you don’t even know it exists. When shit hits the fan, though, let’s blame the operation!

Work-life balance only hits our radar when we’re overworked and stressed out. “UGH, I need more work-life balance.”

No, you don’t. You don’t need work-life balance. You need to start practicing acceptance.

Balance is bullshit.

So can we please, please, PLEASE stop talking about it?

Like farting unicorns or honest politicians—they don’t exist.

Yes, you’re busy—we know.

And yes, we know that you’re busier than everyone else because you know – kids, demanding job, three jobs, vomit, animals – blah blah blah.

The point I’m making is that there’s no such thing as work-life balance.

It’s more like a see-saw. You know, the same thing your ass thudded to the dirt on as a kid when one of your asshat friends saw a bee on the other side of the playground and abandoned ship? The thing that if your friends had figure skater quads would throw you in the air so high you’d slam your butt back down on a hard piece of plank wood.

There are dozens of reasons why you won’t find these in playgrounds anymore—they suck! Also, lawsuits.

The place where seesaws still exist is your life.

Work is manageable, you’re on top of your to-do list, your inbox is at zero, and you have time for happy hour. Oops – you’ve been neglecting your husband so you could stay on top of work. Unbalanced.

One kid was sick, then another had a field trip that you promised to chaperone and your team is pissed because you’re not there and they need to move a meeting and delay your project. Unbalanced.

You’re writing a book, spending every waking our pounding away on your computer, ignoring everyone in your family from 6-10pm. I wouldn’t know anything about this by the way. Unbalanced.

Balance is a myth.

There’s no such thing as doing it all.

If you see me and think I’m doing it all—you’ve got me all wrong. Sometimes people ask me, how’d you write a book? I’d never be able to do that! How do you work full time and have kids? I couldn’t do it. How do you have time to blog, write, speak at events, and feed your family healthy food. Well – I don’t do all these things all the time.

You know how many times my kids have had a frozen veggie burger with a side of grape tomatoes for dinner these past few months? I can’t tell you because it’s too many times to count.

Do you know how many nights my husband and I sit on the couch with the TV on while we hammer away on our laptops? Most nights.

Humans were designed to work. We need it, we thrive on it. No matter what you do – you’re working.

Work is part of your life – not a separate thing you need to need to put a big fence around. Work and life are inextricably linked—stop trying to bust them apart.

For every mom in a pencil skirt, there’s underwear on the floor and a past due credit card bill.

For every mom you see in the pickup line with perfect hair, there she is, working until 2am to build her business.

This is your permission slip. Your sign. Starting today, you’re going to remove the term, “work-life balance” from your vocabulary.

And hop on the fucking see-saw of your life—and have fun.

It’s my birthday. So I made a fuck-it list.

Warning: F* Bombs ahead. Lots of them.

Tea time!

Tea time!

Today is my birthday. It’s tempting to create an annual bucket list, instead, I made a fuck-it list.

Here are 36 things I’m not going to do anymore, in honor of, you know, turning 29.

  1. Giving a shit about my age. Kidding. I never did.
  2. Feeling guilty – for real. Pretty sure. This one is hard you guys.
  3. Apologizing. Unless of course, it actually was my fault.
  4. Saying, “I don’t have time”. This is the same thing as saying I’m busy. Instead, I’ll just say it doesn’t align with my goals, or mercury, or whatever. (PS – Mercury retrograde ends today – thank GOD!)
  5. Stop trying to drink less wine. “I’ll only drink on weekends” – said no mother and no happy person ever.
  6. Feeling bad about paying a house cleaner. I fired the last maid because she lied about cleaning the toilets and refused to use my homemade hippie cleaners. So I’m been doing it myself not doing it at all.
  7. Staring at my phone while my kids are talking to me.
  8. Apologizing for not being vegan anymore.
  9. Stop trying to like zombie movies and horror movies. Pass the HGTV please!
  10. Saying “no” so much. I’m not saying I’m all yeses up in here. Just paying attention to the no’s.
  11. Feeling bad about not finishing a project, a book, or a movie. If it sucks, I’m moving on.
  12. Judging. Okay, maybe next year. Judging out loud anyway.
  13. Making everyone happy. People can be mad sometimes, it builds character.
  14. Pretending to be happy when I’m not. There’s nothing wrong with being pissed off sometimes.
  15. Embracing mundane tasks. Even Oprah has to put deodorant on and put dishes in the dishwasher, maybe she doesn’t need to pick up dog shit, but we all do these things every day.
  16. Pants.
  17. Telling the kids to “hurry up”. They’re going to turn into grown-ups that are always hurrying up. I don’t want that.
  18. Swearing. Fuck that.
  19. Trying to lean in and do it all. I’m going to lay down.
  20. Obligations. That twist in my gut when I’m saying yes and I really want to say no. Nope, not gonna do it.
  21. Making goals for the sake of making goals.
  22. Running a marathon. It hurts, and unless I can write and run – I don’t want to do it.
  23. Meditate. Seriously, I give up. My kids, dog, and cats can hear my eyelids opening.
  24. Small talk. Go deep or go home.
  25. Worrying about money. Can’t take it with you when you go!
  26. Trying to “settle down” and find my, “forever home”. Digital nomad.
  27. Attempting to pee in the woods.
  28. Gardening. I reaped one tomato this year you guys. ONE. And I didn’t even get to eat it, I presume our neighborhood raccoon enjoyed it.
  29. Working late. Kidding! Already screwed this one.
  30. Fighting my introvertedness and forcing myself to be around people when I don’t want to be.
  31. Fear.
  32. Not having purple hair.
  33. Wondering, “do I really need another notebook?” Yes. Yes I do.
  34. Trying to read fiction.
  35. Anything to do with the words, “maintenance” or “home improvement”
  36. Ordinary. Keeping it weird.

My birthday wish is that you tear up your to-do list and make a fuck-it list instead.

Me. Zero Fucks Given with a Dumb Ass Bow on my Head.

Me. Zero Fucks Given with a Dumb Ass Headband that I Obviously don’t know how to use.

My 1-year bookiversary (and, get it for free this week)

unfussy mom Jacqueline Fisch

It’s my bookiversary! Totally not a thing, but run with this for a second with me, will you?

Last year, on this date, I published my first book – Unfussy Mom: Simplifying your life, staying [mostly] sane, and working like a boss. I’ve learned A LOT since then.

 

  1. Some people are surprised when they learn I wrote a book, they’re all, “Why didn’t you tell me?” and I’m all, “Oh hi, I’m Jacq and I wrote a book, wanna be my friend?”
  2. Talking about my book hasn’t gotten any easier.
  3. I had a lofty goal of publishing one book a year. Lofty is right, there’s no book this year – but there are two 10,000 word drafts in my “books in progress” folder, some cool guest posts, a few writing nights, speaking gigs, and lots and lots of writing and ghostwriting.
  4. Asking people to review your book is even more uncomfortable than telling people I wrote one. I did it once and never did it again.
  5. All the smart authors know that you shouldn’t read reviews. I only have 5 reviews, and yes, I did read them – because, curiosity. They’re all good but one. One was a PBCAC issue (problem between computer and chair).
  6. Just keep writing. It doesn’t matter how good it is.
  7. I still don’t want to do a book signing because – what if no one shows up? Very real possibility you guys.
  8. My book is not mine, and it’s not my baby. At first, I looked at Unfussy Mom like giving birth to a baby. This was totally wrong. It’s not a baby. Elizabeth Gilbert in an interview said you could punch her book in the face and it wouldn’t hurt its feelings. You wouldn’t punch a baby. My book is not my baby. Punch it in the groin. Punch it in the face. No one gets hurt.
  9. I didn’t write it for you. I wrote it for me. Writing is cheap therapy. I just decided to publish it for you to read – if you so desire.
  10. Publishing a book doesn’t make you an instant millionaire. Ah, snap!

 

On that note, you can get the Unfussy Mom eBook for free ALL motherloving week long. Tell your best friend, tell your sister, tell your brother. Just kidding – don’t tell your brother – this book isn’t really for him. Get it here. 

 

unfussy mom books

unfussy & unproductive – September 9

Happy Friday! Here are some quick and dirty (spicy too!) things to check out this morning before you dive head first into work!

I swear Mommypotamus’ fire cider saved my ass from getting sick last year. I had exactly ONE cold during last year’s cold and flu season. This elixir, plus daily echinacea, probiotics, kombucha, increased vitamin C, and D kept me healthy. I just finished my first cold of the season (pre-fire cider) earlier this week – thanks preschool germies! Hope that’ll be the first and last for the season!

Are we friends on Goodreads? It’s like Facebook for book nerds. I like using it to track the books I’ve read – especially helpful when I’m recommending a book that’s on the tip of my tongue and I can’t remember the title. My 2015 reading list? Right here. I’m at 37 books so far for 2016.

Jacq Fisch Books 2016

Antiquing is my new favorite thing. Found this typewriter – I’m reinking it (pray for me!) so Jacob can write his book.

Antique Typewriter

Also found some awesome new jewelry. The minimalist in me wears very little, and I, of course, love things that serve a purpose – jewelry included. Here’s my new quartz and ruby necklace (did you know raw ruby is purple? I didn’t!) from Amy Kae Atelier (french for “workshop”).

Ruby and quartz